Plate Spinning

Do you ever feel like you are spinning plates?

Sometimes I call it "multi-tasking".  Sometimes I am better at it than others.  The thing is I can only keep up with it for so long. How about you? How good are you at it?

Trying to manage a home and all the silly chores of making sure it is up and running is one plate.  Not keeping your house perfect or show-ready, just tidy.  Clean clothes and underwear. Clean dishes to eat off of. Keeping dust off the tv so you can watch it.

Then there's their education.  Either making sure they get to school and do their homework when they are home OR if you're like me and homeschool, teaching them. Get those lesson plans done so that there's a goal.  Grade those papers and make sure the kids are "getting it" and not falling behind.

How about nutrition and sustenance? Let's keep that plate spinning, too.  These people need to eat.  Breakfast. Lunch. And dinner.  Sometimes snack, in between, too.  They keep coming back.  Must eat. More food. Spin that plate.

With all that, what about the bills and making sure the electricity doesn't get shut off?  Or the water bill.  They need to shower and get cleaned up occasionally.  And no one wants to take a cold shower. So, better make sure the gas bill is paid.  Better balance that checkbook, too. And, write that tithe check to your church or charity.

If you work outside the home, there's that plate, too. Getting to and from your job.  Staying focused and productive while doing all you can do as a devoted employee.

Don't forget the plate of your significant other.  Keep them feeling important and loved.  Be sure that you show your affection in a way that they value receiving it.

What about extra-curricular activities? Children have sports and academics.  They need to get there. Who is going to get them there? If not you, then arrange for a ride to and from said location. Or perhaps you have a hobby or try to stay fit. That time needs to be managed and made to fit in the schedule of everything else.

So many plates.  More than I can list here. So much spinning.  Some start slipping.  Some are slowing down.  Oh, no! Not that one! That one is my kids!  That one needs to keep going.  But, wait! Through the corner of my eye, I see that one is teetering.  Get back to it.  Spin it.  Keep it spinning. Keep them all spinning.

It's so tiring. It's so draining. I can't do it. Lord Jesus, help me.  Help me focus my eyes on you.  On you, Jesus.

Please, Scrutinize My Work

It's so odd to be analyzed, To be under a microscope. To be scrutinized.  It's even weirder to invite it upon yourself.  And, yet, in this new endeavor I am doing just that.

I started blogging to express on "paper" (or on a laptop) my experiences in this life I'm living.  I wanted to use it as a tool to slow down a bit.  To reflect and relish the adventures I'm on.  And, it's worked out well.  If no other person read a word of what I've written, it wouldn't change a thing.  I will have accomplished EXACTLY what I set out to do. Document.

But, one crazy move and everything shifts.  The words I so carefully and yet nonchalantly placed on this paper are now the object of someone's criticism.  Granted I brought it upon myself. I am the one that applied to be a writer at a magazine that highlights where I live (Texas Hill Country magazine). Photo credit: facebook.com.


It's intimidating to no longer dash words onto paper watching joyfully where they land.  But now, to cautiously calculate each consonant and punctuation. To be so deliberate can be ominous.  I'm feeling very small.  And, very excited.

Digital Kidnapping

A good friend of mine brought to my attention an article on "digital kidnapping". I had no clue what that was. The explanation is quite disturbing. Strangers copy the pictures you post on social media (the web) and tout them as their own. They either pretend your child in the picture is theirs or they make up sad stories of how they want children. There's even abbreviations, hashtags and names for this sort of sick behavior.

So, in an effort to reduce our risk of digital kidnapping, I have become obsessed with watermarks. It can take away from the beauty of the photo but I can rest a little easier knowing I've done my part to keep my pictures "mine". People are crazy!

My Homeschool Journey

Thomas Edison, inventor of the telephone. Theodore Roosevelt, U.S. President and Harvard graduate. Serena Williams, tennis champion. Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of Little House on the Prairie. Robert Frost, poet. Michelle Kwan, Olympic ice skater.

What do all of these famous people have in common?  They were homeschooled.

My name is Arlene Yuen and I am so humbled to be here with you all and share a little bit about my family and our homeschool journey. I’m not a professional speaker.  I’m just a mom, like you, standing up here sharing my journey.

First, I’d like to give you a little background.  I was born in southern California to a Hawaiian father and immigrant mother from Mexico.  They met when they were young and are still married. I was raised in a strict religious home  in an Arizona suburb. Since they were both hippies, school was appreciated by them but not a priority.  After I graduated high school, I made many moves around the country enjoying adventure.  I ended up returning home and attending college while working full-time.  I didn’t want to be married and I sure didn’t want to have kids.  I soon married and had a wonderful little boy. When he was 1 year old, I was physically abused and abandoned; forced to become a single-mother.  When this little boy was 5, I married again, had become a Christian and moved to Texas.  I call myself a “born again Texan”.  My husband often says that though we weren’t born here, we got here as fast as we could. My husband inherited my oldest, Wyatt, who is now 17 and a senior.  We then had Tatum, a beautiful daughter who is 10, precious Dallas who is 6 and adorable Josiah who is 1.

Now, I’d like to share my homeschool journey with you in 3 parts: How we started homeschooling, How we did it, and How it works.

After several years of being a working professional, I was excited to become a stay-at-home mom. My little boy, Wyatt (which means warrior), was in Kindergarten and I was shocked that in the state of Texas it’s full-day.  Where I came from, Kindergarten was half-day.  I was looking forward to spending time with this little guy after all that time working.  I volunteered wherever I could: the library, the lunch room, recess, the classroom.  I was even “room mom” which all the other veteran moms kind of snickered and looked at me as if I had “SUCKER” typed across my forehead.  But, I didn’t care.  I was so zealous to parent my little guy and determined to know all his friends and his teachers. I spent so much time at the school that ALL of the kids knew me.  We would chat at recess and you would be shocked at the conversation that went on between 5 year olds. It was obvious that these little people had older (not necessarily more mature) influences in their lives (primarily older brothers and sisters who were NOT monitored.)  On several occasions, I coerced my husband to also volunteer at our son’s school.  He was flabbergasted when he heard what the little girls would talk about. They would review movies seen over the weekend, many of which were rated-R.

At that point, he started researching Christian schools in the Metroplex.  Don’t get me wrong, Wyatt had a great Kindergarten experience.  His teacher was young and full of energy.  She was a Christian and so loving to the students.  She even taught Wyatt how to read.  The principal at his school was a Christian as well and started every PTA meeting with a prayer, regardless of who was present.  The faculty were warm and welcoming, and had a true love of teaching.

But, my husband was still so focused on getting our son into a more Christian environment.  He looked at schools in Grapevine, Colleyville, Hurst, and Fort Worth.  To me the cost was astronomical and ridiculous.  That’s just my opinion and I have many friends who send their children to those wonderful private schools.  I just couldn’t justify it for our family.  So, in a moment of rebellion I stated to my husband, “For $10,000 a year, I could do it. I’m always at the school anyway.”  The moment that followed was pivotal and changed our lives forever.  His response to me was “Great! You do it!”

Almost as immediate as the words came out of my mouth, I was trying to retract them.  I didn’t really mean what I said.  I didn’t really mean I could do it.  My degree was in business not elementary education.  I had no experience teaching.  I was not patient enough.  I didn’t know any normal people that did this. It was a “coincidence” that my husband coached Wyatt’s baseball team with a father who homeschooled his kids. So, I called up the mom and picked her brain.  She invited me over to observe their family interactions and see how “do-able” this thing called HOMESCHOOLING could be.  She gave me books to read and invited me to the local homeschool convention.

Since this was my husband’s great idea, he accompanied me to the convention and we listened intently to almost every speaker there.  We walked the aisles perusing mountains of curriculum being completely overwhelmed. I still didn’t think this was a real feasibility for me to do.

Fast forward a couple months, after much prayer, we started our journey.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hear God’s audible voice saying “ARLENE, YOU MUST HOMESCHOOL!” I just didn’t hear a “No!” from God and as a Christian I wasn’t called to an “easy life”.  Sure I could have stayed home and ate bon bons, been a lady who lunches, or go to the gym all the time.  I really might have enjoyed that.  But, there was a reason God allowed my outburst and my husband to agree. That’s how is started.

Now, on to my second point, HOW WE DO IT.  Really, needs change as the family changes.  So, our schooling at home changes and evolves accordingly.

When we started, Wyatt was in first grade and he was missing everything from his former public school way of life: his friends, his teachers, his classes.  I had one child and feared dropping the ball in his college-preparatory career. So, I found a book on education-at- home.  I don’t remember where I heard of this revolutionary book or who recommended it, but it has proved to be a God-send.  I refer to it as my homeschool bible and still use it today.  Having no background in elementary education or a network of people to bounce ideas off of, I had no clue on choosing curriculum.  It was pretty much a shot in the dark.  There was no rhyme or reason, other than liking a title or being drawn to a book cover when choosing Wyatt’s books.  Thankfully, I had heard that if one type of curriculum didn’t work with my child’s personality or learning style, I could try another.  And that’s another thing… Learning style?  I had never heard of such a thing.  I spent the next few months engrossed in learning and reading and teaching.  I was actually in heaven, though a little petrified still.  We spent hours learning how to add, re-enacting battle scenes from history, doing science experiments in the kitchen.  I could really get used to this.  THANK YOU, GOD!

Challenges were certainly thrown at us, like my husband losing his job right after 9/11.  He ended up getting 3 very low paying jobs just to put food on the table.  Two of the 3 jobs were at night and so the little sleep he did get was during the day.  Wyatt and I had to do our best to keep quiet so Dad could sleep.  How can you instruct or teach while whispering??? Well, Wyatt and I looked at that as another opportunity for learning.  So, we learned sign language so we could “speak” to each other silently.

Another large challenge came during our second year homeschooling. I became pregnant with my second child.  For most people this is a joyous time of preparing for the new life God has blessed one with.  For me???  Pregnancy and I do not play well together.  I have morning sickness the entire pregnancy.  So badly that I  am hospitalized every time I’m pregnant.  The end is no better than the journey.  And, I end up with an emergency c-section and just generally not well.  So, during that homeschooling year, I spent a majority of my time lying on my couch while Wyatt fetched me popsicle after popsicle. I really thought that I should put him in regular school so that he could be learning.  But, I’m so glad I didn’t.  We didn’t accomplish as much as my Type-A, control freak personality would have liked.  But, we spent valuable time together making memories. We strengthened our relationship which will last a lifetime.

Little did I know that once that sweet baby girl arrived, Tatum (which means “brings joy”), life was about to get really hairy.  Multitasking was an understatement. Trying to read a history lesson was interrupted by a crying baby that needed to nurse. Spelling tests were interrupted by a newborn needing a diaper change. During this time my young son, who was VERY social still wanted friendships, so we actively pursued “homeschool support groups”. I was blessed to find a local group that had other kids my son’s age.  We started going to Park Days and getting to know other families who were as crazy as we were.  Wyatt also started taking a Texas History class with a mom who had her Bachelor’s degree in Geography from UT.  Thank you God for sending me to this group!!! These women were another God-send.

We continued to not only pursue academics but also sports and other outside activities.  I enrolled Wyatt at a local Christian school in Grapevine that had a “homeschool umbrella” program.  They met once a week through the entire school year with other homeschool kids on campus.  The kids had Spanish, Art, PE, library, music and lunch.  Nothing too heavy, but surely a good time.  We stayed at that school for 5 years and made many good friends.

By the time it was necessary for our family to move on, my daughter was coming into school age. She had already sat and played while I taught Wyatt Latin.  So, why was I shocked when she would answer the questions I had for him “AMO AMAS AMAT AMAMUS AMATUS AMANT”. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I thought I made with Wyatt.  By this time I had done even more research and kept hearing professionals say, “You don’t want to push the child too much so that they lose the LOVE of learning.” I really tried to fight every fiber in my Type-A, control freak personality so as not to push her too hard, too early.  But, it was her fault.  She LOVED learning! She was reading by age 4 and pretty much taught herself.  She was doing math and all kinds of stuff.  I was elated! We did have to get her involved in some activity that would help expel the boundless energy this little angel had. Gymnastics seemed to be the perfect resolution.

Okay so by this time, I had been homeschooling Wyatt for four years and yet I still felt like a novice. We continued to make friends and embark on new adventures.  We went on many field trips and many park and play dates.

This funny thing happens when you homeschool, your kids are around people of all ages.  They aren’t restricted to playing with kids who are only their same age or in their same grade.  When you meet at the park to play and there’s another family with siblings older and younger, you find a way to include everyone. When you accompany your mom on a mid-day trip to Target and the check-out girls asks if you are sick (because why else would you not be in school) you are able to have a small chat and improve your social skills. When you always go with your big brother to his friends’ houses, you think those people are really YOUR friends.  And you want to invite them to your birthday party even though they are MANY years older than you.

Fast forward a couple years and let’s add Dallas into the mix.  Dallas, sweet Dallas (which means “wise”).  He is a unique creature. The most loving and laid back little guy you could ever find.  He constantly wants kisses from mom out of the blue.  He’s also extremely rambunctious.  Turns every straight item found into a sword which he would like to pretend to impale you and you should play along. He’s very physical and seems to fall (purposely and on accident) at every turn. This little guy was my wild card and schooling a son entering middle school and a daughter entering grade school, would prove to be a challenge. Creativity was my friend and God was on speed-dial.

Just when I thought things could not get any more insane, things did.  My husband and I were having severe marital problems and were getting a divorce. Thinking I would have to go back into the work force, I reluctantly put Wyatt and Tatum in public school.  Funny thing is that I wasn’t scared.  I was happy for them.  I was confident that God would be there for them. The process was seamless and the Keller public school system has some fine individuals working for them.  They were kind, welcoming and courteous.  My kids made the transition like champs. That year they thrived which was a real encouragement to me.  Because as homeschoolers, you may fall victim to the mentality of comparing.  Looking around too much and wondering if you’re doing enough.  If your kids would be able to learn the same as their public school counterparts. So, when they both were getting straight A’s and making too many friends to count, I felt relieved.  Mind you these are not biblical goals, they were fleshly and worldly. But, it was still an insecurity of mine.

Thankfully, God was put first and my marriage was saved.  My husband and I reconciled and didn’t go through with the divorce. After much more prayer, we asked the kids what they would like to do and they both agreed to come back home.  Honestly, I was shocked! My son was loving school and the athletics program.  The kid who could sleep through an atomic bomb, was now waking up at 5:30AM so he could make his own lunch before heading to track practice.  He had tested grades higher academically so his teachers were loving him and made him feel super special.  He had made many friends and enjoyed attending plays and concerts with them.  Tatum was loving school just as much.  She had made many friends and loved it there. Yet, for many reasons, they missed homeschooling.

It could have been the mastery over your own schedule they had been accustomed to, doing school in as quick a time possible to move on to more interesting activities.  It could have been the friends who were authentic, kind Christian kids who love their families just as much as mine.  Or maybe it was all the fun field trips we would go on: the Dallas Aquarium, the Money Factory, the Symphony, the Opera. It could have been the freedom of standing at the counter instead of being made to “sit in your chair!” But, the real reason that my kids agreed to come back home to school was….. doing school in your pj’s.

By this time, I had to buckle down and focus a little more on college prep. So, we decided to venture out and tried classes at a local homeschool facility.  It was an interesting time there.  Of course friends were made.  Wyatt did well learning Biology from a gal who had a true passion for science as well as a Masters from Dallas Baptist University. But, after a year there, we decided it wasn’t a good fit for our family.

During this same time, I had begun schooling Dallas.  And being the typical third child that he was, he marches to the beat of his own drum. One day while I was prepping his school, which was sure to be fun manipulatives, he expressed “I hate school.  I don’t want to do school.  I want to watch TV.” Really?  Did my child just say this?  Does he know how fun this is?  It’s not workbooks and tracing.  It’s stacking and sorting using your hands.  It’s making towers and patterns and moving around.  Surely, this sweet son of a homeschooling mom did not mean it???? If he didn’t mean it, he sure pretended to.  As loving and sweet as he was, he would buck the system.  He would buck the Type-A control freak that was his mother.

God has a sense of humor and God knew that Dallas is exactly what I needed to die to myself. To take up my cross daily. To not take myself too seriously.  To focus on eternal things, like my babies’ souls, not making them read by age 4.  Thank you, God!

So, just as every other time before this, our homeschool evolved and changed.  And, before I knew it, I was changing, too.  This Type-A, control freak, never wanted to marry or have kids crazy person was being transformed into a more patient, child-loving, homeschool mom.  I call myself a “recovering control freak.”

Back to homeschooling, every year we seemed to try a different “co-op” looking for the perfect fit for the Yuens.  (*A co-op is a cooperative learning environment where each family pitches in for the betterment of the whole. One mom might teach cooking while one teaches history while one watches the babies.) Each co-op we met amazing people, had awesome adventures and grew as individuals. Some places didn’t work because I had a toddler. Some places didn’t work, because I had a high schooler that needed more challenge.  Some places didn’t work because the people weren’t our kind of people.

While trying out different co-ops, we were still doing most of the “heavy lifting” at home. Where we used to all sit around the dining table learning had changed into older son on his laptop writing papers while I taught read to daughter while other little son listened (or tried fake stabbing us with his sword).

So, that’s HOW WE DO IT.

Now, I’d like to share with you HOW IT WORKS.

As you can probably guess, it works because we rely on God. We stay flexible. Being organized is also helpful but certainly not a requirement.  As you know by now, my Type-A recovering control freak personality loves to organize and plan which is great theoretically.  But, I still have to wait upon the Lord and remember that I’m doing this for Him and for His glory.

Right now, my oldest is 17 and a senior so we have spent this year prepping for college and applying.  He takes most classes outside the home because at this point the student had surpassed the master. He has done well academically and is being offered many scholarships, although right now he’s holding out for a full-ride from his dream school. Originally he wanted to become a worship pastor or missionary but he has shifted his sights to a business degree to open as many doors as possible for God to work. He also does competitive speech and debate and spends time researching, prepping or traveling for tournaments. Last month he was in Tennessee competing and placing 2^nd in the entire tournament. He is qualified for Nationals. Wyatt also spends time at his part-time job as a marketing assistant when not studying or prepping for the SAT test. He also serves every week on the worship team where he gets to serve the Lord with the piano talents God blessed him with.

My daughter, Tatum, who is 10 and a gymnast spends several hours a day training to compete in the sport she loves. She is challenged and enjoys her time training. This past fall she competed so well she qualified for State. This month we will be traveling to Atlanta for another gymnastics meet and she is so excited.  As for academics, math and science are her favorite subjects and she does exceptionally well in. Since she’s still a little girl and loves dolls, she is in an American Girl History Class I teach monthly with about a dozen of her good friends. She also serves at church in the preschool area doing puppets.

My little Dallas has changed his tune a little bit when it comes to school. He sees it as a means to an end.  “If I get my school done, then I can go ride my bike.” Or “If I do good at school today, Mommy will let me have a playdate.” Unfortunately, I still hear daily “I don’t wanna’ do school! I hate school!” But, he turns it around and ends up amazing me by reading a book I had no clue he knew how or adding numbers I never taught him to. His love is baseball and football and he begs daily for us to sign him up.  Which is our plan when things slow down just a bit next month.

My baby Josiah, named after good king Josiah of the bible, is almost 2.  I cherish EVERY moment with him. He is very clingy, but we’ll say attached. He is our mascot. He doesn’t know that he can’t read or write with pencils or work on the computer. He makes meals in the play kitchen while we read history. He rides his scooter while we practice math.  He colors while we do art. He is very involved.

I tell you these things about my kids not to sound “bragadocious” but to let you know that homeschooling has worked for my family.  It has allowed each child to flourish.  We are not perfect and we have had our fair share of tragedies and challenges. But, God is faithful and has guided us on this adventure called homeschooling.

Homeschooling is not cookie-cutter.  No two homeschools would ever look alike.  What works for my family may not work for the next. But, that’s what’s been so beautiful about this journey. We can find what works for our family. Some families are not like us and wake up late. Some families enjoy the freedom from rigidity or schedule. Some families school at night.  Some families have fancy school rooms with desks and special book cases. Some families have 1 student, some have 11. Some never leave the house and only do school.  Some are never home and do more “car schooling”. They are all different.

In closing, I thought about sharing with you some amazing statistics about homeschooling like “According to U.S. News and World report, 2 million students were homeschooled in 2010” Or “Those homeschooled, graduate college with a higher GPA than their peers.” And so on.  But, really, homeschool for us was more than just academics.  Our homeschool journey can be summarized in Deuteronomy 6:5 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” 

*This article was taken from notes at an event I was asked to speak at in 2013.

Summer Scare

As summer swings into action with the force of a professional-grade blow dryer, I am reminded of the nightmare our family endured in 2010. My daughter, Tatum, had just finished her kindergarten year with much gusto and giggle. She was ready for summer.  Thankfully, our community had several pools in the area to help with a little relief from the sizzling Texas sun.

One particular summer weekday, my three children and I spent the afternoon poolside. As we were packing up, I made sure to keep a special eye on my toddler, Dallas.  He was two and half and full of energy.  His floaties should have been called wings on account of how active he was.  As I pulled his floaties off, I heard a distant scream. With laser focus I kept my eye on this sweet toddler and was almost blocking everything else out.

Upon hearing several more screams, I looked up and realized it was a woman at our pool.  At closer surveillance, I saw that a young girl with a limp body was being dragged out of the pool.  IT WAS MY DAUGHTER!!!

I made sure my teenage son, Wyatt, stayed with my toddler.  As I ran over to gauge the severity of the situation, I was overcome with a numbness. It felt as though my limbs were barely attached.  In a split second, I noticed several things: she was completely limp (lifeless, like a rag doll), she was blue, she wasn't breathing.

I dropped to my knees and immediately began CPR.  It turned out to be a blessing that I had just heard a speaker teach on CPR the week prior.  All that training was fresh in my mind.  I just didn't realize how quickly I would put it into practice.

It seemed like a dream.  A bad dream.  I covered her nose and breathed into her mouth trying to fill her lungs.  I administered chest compressions trying to get her heart beating again.  I kept trying and kept trying.  It seemed like an eternity.  No change. I cried and screamed out.  I begged for her to not die.  I wept and wailed between chest compressions and breathing into her mouth.  I felt so desperate.

A man rushed over and about pushed me out of the way.  He explained he was an off-duty police officer and began severe and powerful chest compressions. It almost looked as if he could break one of her little ribs.  I didn't care.  Break her rib and save her life- I thought to myself.  He continued and continued to work on her little lifeless body. Suddenly, she began to choke and tons of water flowed from her mouth.  Her eyes rolled around and she had regained consciousness.

During the commotion, I had screamed for someone to call 911.  By this time, the ambulance had arrived and were ready to take her downtown.  It was a long ambulance ride. She was barely coherent and they put an iv in her just in case things didn't go well at the hospital.

As she sat on the gurney in the ER we were visited by many nurses.  I was shocked at the looks of disdain and contempt that were directed at me.  Some of these health care professionals even voiced their disapproval saying, "You really should get her swim lessons."

WHAT???? I was so confused because Tatum knew how to swim.  I had paid for her to get private swim lessons every summer since she was a toddler. How could they be angry at me and accuse me in their whispers of such irresponsibilty? I though I did all I could to provide water safety.  Not only was Tatum an excellent swimmer, I kept an eye on her at the pool.

Well, apparently not good enough.  So, my investigative mind began to wonder how could this have happened.  Towards the end of Tatum's hospital visit, she maintained her mental faculties and began talking.  I asked her what happened. She innocently said, "I was in the inner tube and spinning around and around.  I started to get dizzy and must have fallen through the hole in the middle."

Aaaaah! That makes sense.  So, I write all this to say--- Summer is here.  Be careful.  Even if you have a good, experienced swimmer, freak things happen.  Take care and be watchful. I am thankful for the outcome of this tragic event.  And, I'm especially thankful for Tatum's classmate's sister, Morgan, for having the clarity to pull Tatum out of the water.

2 Days, All I Need is a Good Cry

It's been a rough week.  I had a lot of emotions gurgling below the surface.  I knew it would be dangerous if I went into his wedding on Saturday unchecked. I needed a good cry.  For some reason, I hadn't cried.  This huge event was looming and I hadn't acknowledged the emotional magnitude.

When mentioning this to my son who would soon be marrying his best friend, he recommended I watch "Boyhood".  He thought this could be the catalyst for the much-needed release. We went to see it together last summer when I was dropping him off for college. Eerily, many events in the movie mirrored the events in his life and mine.

So, once my family went to bed, I watched it.  I made it through 2 1/2 hours without a tear.  Then, as the movie came to a close, the song Hero by Family of the Year came on.  That was it.  That's all it took.  The floodgates were flung open and the waves of emotion were unleashed.

I cried.  And, cried.  And, cried.

4 Days

I can feel the emotions gurgling just below the surface.  I haven't cried but I feel like I could if the right commercial came on.

I want to enjoy the moment and appreciate every step.  But, the anxiety is growing and slowing taking me over.

I'm a little afraid of what might be coming.  I'm afraid of the ugly cry.